I Tried

I thought not blogging would help because then I wouldn't think about it, but it made me feel just as bad, so I guess I might as well say something.

I have a friend who I considered to be a good one. Recently this friend has not been acting like one at all. This friend made some comments lately that has led me to believe this friend cares more about random complete strangers in our hypothetical conversation than they care about me. I am not saying I should be the center of this friend's universe because I shouldn't, that would be creepy. All I am asking for is for this friend to start acting like one. I have always tried to be the best friend possible and be there for my friends when they are upset or hurting and all I expect is the same in return.

On the crazy Christian radio station the other day I heard a guy comparing The Da Vinci Code to someone writing a book about World War II and saying Hitler won instead; thus putting Roosevelt on trial in Washington and Churchill on trial in England. The guy was obviously a MORON. All I have to say is this: GET OVER THE STUPID BOOK! IT WAS BORING! Everyone who is getting so freaked out about it needs to shut the fuck up. I love a good debate as much as the next intelligent person, but seriously, if a FICTION NOVEL (even though you'd think the fact it is in the 'fiction' section at every bookstore ever would be a clue, and since the word novel generally implies fiction...but people en mass can be stupid) is enough to make people think that those of the Christian faith will start questioning everything the church has ever said, then their faith was not that strong to begin with and they're too weak-minded to be allowed to live. I am so sick of hearing about this stupid book. I figured the stupid code out fairly early on and only finished the entire book because I have never started a book I haven't finished.

Don't ever tell someone with an eating disorder that they've lost weight since you last saw them and that they look good. Especially if you KNOW they have an eating disorder.

Mean the things you say and say the things you mean. Don't bullshit and don't say things you think I want to hear.

I hear songs that make me sad. Not just songs that are about sad things like death and breaking up, but songs that were supposed to be first dances at weddings, and songs that were supposed to be on playlists at weddings, and in general songs that were playing during happy times. My therapy is starting to make me really sad.

Therapy would not be a bad idea at this point.

I tried watching Buffy tonight, my all-time favorite show, besides Friends of course. I can't even concentrate on it, or really I can't concentrate on anything for that matter. I'll start and episode and five minutes later realize I have been staring at the carpet for five minutes, looking at nothing. I don't have thoughts during this time, I just stare.

I want to throw all my scrapbook stuff away. I don't even want to look at it or see or it or even know it is in the apartment.

I haven't finished unpacking. I don't care. There are still boxes in the kitchen full of stuff and I don't care.

My throat hurts really bad, but I don't feel sick or anything. It's kind of red, but nothing really bad I guess. Maybe I should hold up on drinking the Diet Coke so much. I am not sure how those two things could be related, but who knows. My throat has been really sore for the last couple days, and that's about how long I have been relying on my Diet Coke, maybe a few days longer. Ah well, we'll see if just drinking water for a couple days takes care of the problem.

I wish it would storm again. Then a big tornado can come and destroy everything.

I'm tired of this place. Everything is a reminder of something and it annoys me because sometimes I can't do things I used to love doing, because are a reminder of other things I love.

Sometimes I'd still like to make everything go away. Sometimes I try and it doesn't work.